How To Be A Man In 21st Century America.
- Chicago, Illinois, USA
“You’re spending too much time trying to figure out someone else instead of trying to figure out you. How did you know how to be successful? Because you concentrated on it and you took it by the horns. You didn’t wait for it to find you." — Dave 'The Masshole' Friedrich
Sanlúcar de Barrameda, Spain. A small fishing village on the northern coast in Cantábria Province. Picos de Europa in the background. No words necessary.
Last fall, one of Spain's greatest matadors took a horn to the face. It was a brutal goring, among the most horrific in the history of bullfighting. Miraculously, Juan Jose Padilla was back in the bullring—sí, fighting bulls—a mere five months later. And in the process of losing half his sight, he somehow managed to double his vision
Why Sex Is Still Underrated In Puritanical America. #UncleToddTuesday - blog 45. Everything you need to know about a woman happens in the bedroom. Her truest qualities – control, generosity, selfishness, openness, domination, joy, darkness – can be found in those moments without ego (and clothes). It’s the arena where there’s nothing to hide – and where you will find all the information you need. (read more)
Ordinary People, Extraordinary MANSY (and why interesting people are dull.) #UncleToddTuesday - blog 44. Interesting, extraordinary people are dull. The valid and worthy achievements of those who have lived in the public eye have been well documented. But, in a way, they’re dull. How? We know their story. We know all the details. It almost doesn’t seem real. Which is why the ‘ordinary’ person sitting next to you on the bus may be the most fascinating person in the world.
How To Find True Love After Getting Ditched By Hookers. #UncleToddTuesday - blog 43. “She might be the love of my life,” he told me. “I met her at the Redhead Piano Bar. She’s smokin’ hot. Did you see her body?” I told him I hadn’t. “Fantastic. Beautiful. I’ve never felt like this in a very long time.” “When did you meet her?” I asked. He drank from his wine glass. “Last night.”
If You Stage Your Own Death To Propose Marriage, You Might Be Desperate For Attention. #UncleToddTuesday - blog 42. She arrived on the scene of a horrific car crash. She thought her boyfriend had died. When she discovered it was all a prank, she was livid. Not a sane, clear-thinking soul on God’s green earth could blame her. But he wanted her to know what life would be like without him, and then proposed. Holding a balloon. She said yes. Does any of this sound okay to you?
If It's Time To Cheat - You Must Leave Her. #UncleToddTuesday - blog 41. Choosing to be married is underrated, and should be the exception, not the rule, when it comes to relationships. If you have problems, you work it out – especially if you have children. If you’re not married, however, and you have the urge to cheat on your partner, you must leave that person.
The Only Two Choices You Will Ever Need To Make In Life. #UncleToddTuesday - blog 40. So the next time you hear someone whine, piss and moan about his or her job or relationship, you are fully justified in telling them to quit whining, pissing, and moaning. In a bad situation, you can only allow yourself two choices in life: change it, or leave it.
If You Suck At Getting Married, Here's Something To Think About: #UncleToddTuesday - blog 39. Stop doing it. I’m not married, never have been. This might seem to preclude me as an expert on the subject. It doesn’t. My subject isn’t marriage per se; my subject is sucking at something. In the same way that someone is not mechanically inclined to fix a forklift or a ’74 Fleetwood Cadillac, others are not inclined nor have the ability to marry someone.
Mama & The Mystery Of Hot & Cold Running Water. #MassholeAnd Mama - blog 11. I did it. After last Sunday, Mama doesn’t want anything to do with me and American football anymore. She’s decided to leave the room when the New England Patriots come on the television. As she runs for cover in the other room, I cheer for my team. I win round one – Masshole 1, Mama 0.
Any Given Sunday - Tom Brady, Bill Belichick & Mama. #MassholeAndMama - blog 10. I grab my son and race him into my room to change him from his Popeye t-shirt to his first New England Patriots shirt. That’s right, everyone. It’s the first week of football. Big Bird and Elmo will have to take a back seat to Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Because for the next nineteen weeks – my living room is mine.
Mama & The Rocket Science Of Diaper Changing. #MassholeAndMama - blog 09. Mama’s finally adjusting to life in the States. She doesn’t understand why there aren’t more parks for just children. Most of the parks in the city are a combination of city and dog parks. She can’t understand why children and dogs play in the same space. I tell her that many people think of their dogs as children, but she just won’t hear it. I understand what she’s saying. But people do.