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Elf on a Shelf is Evil

So am I the only one who wonders who he scalped to get that head of hair?

You didn't know the Elves had their own mafia, did you? Well, here you go. The work of a professional hit elf. Nothing is sacred. Not even other elves.

This elf was in prison for triple murder. Now he's on the lam. Just know that any elf you bring into your house COULD BE THIS ONE!!

Exactly.

When Elf doesn't get his way, he curls up in the fetal position. Just like David in American Werewolf in London. Right before he turned into a frothing at the mouth monster.

Putting a Puzzle together. With a Great White on it. You know elves are magic, right? And can make that come to life at night right before you get in the tub?

He called social services and reported you for child abuse and neglect. Oh, look! He has your summons!

I think I can...(ungh) pry this...(oof) off the wall... (ungh) and send it crashing... (hff) to the floor!

Clearly, it's a very bad idea to leave your wallet with your credit cards on the dresser while you sleep.

Awesome Elf on the Shelf Ideas

blogs.babble.com

Now that he's jacked up on god knows what-all, it's time for a little joy ride!