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By all means, clock him in the fight for goodness!

I've always loved Bumble.

So am I the only one who wonders who he scalped to get that head of hair?

Nooooooo!!! What have you done to Rudolph, you sadistic bastard?!!

Looks like the next door neighbor is taking a shower...

What the HELL kind of drug turns urine this color? Santa should start doing random drug tests. I wouldn't want to be around when Elf starts tripping on whatever that was.

So your kid gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and what’s waiting there for him? An elf with a freaking RAZOR! This thing makes the Boogey Man look like Mary Poppins!

OK, obviously Elf has an underwear fetish. But by all means, you bring one into your house! I'm sure the kids' therapy won't cost all that much.

Good luck buying Christmas presents for your kids now!

You didn't know the Elves had their own mafia, did you? Well, here you go. The work of a professional hit elf. Nothing is sacred. Not even other elves.

This elf was in prison for triple murder. Now he's on the lam. Just know that any elf you bring into your house COULD BE THIS ONE!!

Oh my god! He's beheaded Santa and scooped out his brains!!

Exactly.

Pole dancing is not appropriate for young children. Elf does not care.

When Elf doesn't get his way, he curls up in the fetal position. Just like David in American Werewolf in London. Right before he turned into a frothing at the mouth monster.

Putting a Puzzle together. With a Great White on it. You know elves are magic, right? And can make that come to life at night right before you get in the tub?

He called social services and reported you for child abuse and neglect. Oh, look! He has your summons!

Elf caught these guys, put them in a giant cauldron and stewed them alive. Just like the cannibals in New Guinea.

I think I can...(ungh) pry this...(oof) off the wall... (ungh) and send it crashing... (hff) to the floor!

Clearly, it's a very bad idea to leave your wallet with your credit cards on the dresser while you sleep.

Awesome Elf on the Shelf Ideas

blogs.babble.com

"Anyone seen the hamster?"

Now that he's jacked up on god knows what-all, it's time for a little joy ride!