Elf on a Shelf is Evil
What the HELL kind of drug turns urine this color? Santa should start doing random drug tests. I wouldn't want to be around when Elf starts tripping on whatever that was.
So your kid gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and what’s waiting there for him? An elf with a freaking RAZOR! This thing makes the Boogey Man look like Mary Poppins!
OK, obviously Elf has an underwear fetish. But by all means, you bring one into your house! I'm sure the kids' therapy won't cost all that much.
You didn't know the Elves had their own mafia, did you? Well, here you go. The work of a professional hit elf. Nothing is sacred. Not even other elves.
This elf was in prison for triple murder. Now he's on the lam. Just know that any elf you bring into your house COULD BE THIS ONE!!
You people have seen "Psycho", right?