I cannot possibly fathom your situation in any comprehensive or holistic manner. I'm too stupid and tone-deaf to possibly get you or to have any idea at all. But please know that I'm still cheering for your success & good grace. (Always).
"It surfaces neither at the most opportune moment nor in the most convenient... it'll put you face to face with endless obstacles, but in the end, none of that will matter because it's how you overcome its obstacles that will define your love ... Love is ultimately the best thing that will happen to you."