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Hire baby sitter, tell them child is asleep / You have no kids

Roommate leaves Facebook logged on / Change birthday to tomorrow

Roommate leaves Facebook logged on

friend leaves facebook open / your life is about to change

friend leaves phone unlocked / swaps moms & girlfriends phone number

friend leaves phone unlocked

mom says lights off / i say game on

Sudden power outage at night / party time

Phone lights up randomly / Sorry, just checking the time

Phone lights up randomly

he sees you when you're sleeping? he knows when you're awake? / Sounds like my kind of guy...

Your teddy bear will protect you? / I'll be the judge of that

seeing faces you think your brain is making? / maybe you should take a closer look...

parents said they'll be back in 30 minutes. / Looks like i'll have to be quick.

You screamed? / Good, i'll meet your family.

Home Alone? / Don't worry i'll lock the door

Covering yourself with a blanket? / I LIke a Challenge

Don't know where that cut came from? / I do.

Don't worry about me when you're sleeping / I only like to watch you shower

curtain moves? / sorry your door was locked

curtain moves? - Memestache

need to pee in the middle of the night? / i will keep your bed warm

scoot over a bit / i love to snuggle

Door opens then shuts / Sorry, I was just checking on you

Door Opens itself? / Sorry, i should've knocked

dog is barking at nothing / keep telling yourself that

The UK Office is Better than the American one / Has never seen either one

$120,00o art degree / draws faces in latte foam