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This is for a particular someone who came into my life then did an about-face and walked right back out. Thank God my guard was up, you didnt hurt me, you will NEVER hurt, because you CANT hurt me. Only people who truly love me can hurt me. That counts you out. Peace out.

This guy had the perfect vows. His vows: "I will kill the spiders. I will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. I won’t ever pop my collar. I will never be rude to your tummy- when I hear it growl and gurgle, I promise to bend down and reply respectfully. I will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. I will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. I’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. I will be the big spoon. I will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times I will not. I will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever I want to. whenever I think you need one. or seven. I will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. I will hold your hand. I will love you. I will love you. I will love you."

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bahahahahaha!!!

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I missed the memo that said we ladies are now expected not only to hold down jobs but also to knit, craft, and bake from scratch again all while having washboard abs.