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Jokes

Funny jokes

Serious Sergent - An old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. . "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. ...

How much? A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her "Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?" ...

Little Johnny on Math - A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them ...

One Too Many? A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. ...

Paintings An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently...

Damn Parking Enforcement - I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter. So I went up to him and said ...

First time A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, ...

Two-timer Mrs. Donnell said to her maid: "Oh Mary, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." ... "I don't believe it," Mary snapped: "you're just saying that to make me jealous." #joke #jokeoftheday

Gender You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but ...

Things Not To Say During Childbirth -- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could...

Home Remedies 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid ...

What Deep Thinkers Men Are - I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Greetings from Asbury Park, New Jersey! Aggie Ring Ceremony Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? ...

Difference between hypothetical and reality - A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”...

Some Things You Just Can't Explain - A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" ...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Birthday Party A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. ...

Losing Weight A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next da...

Job Interview - Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" IMG_1975 The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."...

Grandma's Boyfriend - A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the ...

Near death experience - A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-dea...

Dining Companion - A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few p...

Soap And Water - After several exciting dates, Jim invited Tina over to his house for a home-cooked dinner. When she sat down at the table, s...