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Omg, I want to be the neighbor that brings someone this. That's hilarious.

Turns out coconut oil is a great-all-in-one. It's an anti-inflammatory, anti-microbial, anti-fungal, and anti-viral. It improves nutrient absorption. It can be used for cooking. It is a lip balm, moisturizer, shaving cream, deep treatment conditioner, makeup remover, body scrub (mixed with sugar makes a great exfoliant), bug bite balm, Athlete's Foot treatment, and canker sore treatment. It has also been proven to boost metabolism and aid in digest.