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No one ever gives me the right cake. This is what I want. And some booze.

"Brilliant! Replaces my clumsy tv tray, which didn't match my bathroom decor. I can now Skype (hands-free!) instead of trying to juggle a cell phone. Eliminates the need for a stack of magazines (unsanitary!). I do wish it had a cup holder, and maybe a basket or tray of sorts to hold a bag of popcorn, chicken nuggets, french fries, bowl of soup, etc.

Sorry....couldn't pass this one up HAHAHA

Alternative phrases to "calm your tits"

Life isn't a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you might want to slow down on the tequila.

Oh, it's the weekend? Good thing I emptied out my cup of care to make room for vodka and bad decisions.

tim doesn't give a shit.

bopping 'em on the head

A dad's attempt to limit the cats in the house, but fails to know any of their names.

Cats and their boxes