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Some husbands hold wife's hand in malls ... because if they leave her hand she'll go for shopping. It looks "romantic" but actually it's "economic" ...
I'm having vegetables for dinner. Well, it's mostly potatoes. Ok, all potatoes. Fermented potatoes. I'm having vodka for dinner.
"My husband and I have never considered divorce... Murder sometimes, but never divorce" Joyce Brothers
One, Two, Three, BREATHE. He's dead, Jim.
Are We There Yet? Almost!
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don't get me started on the dinosaurs.
It is hard to be a woman. You must think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl, and work like a horse.
So,the bills are washed, the laundry is paid, clothes are in the oven and the last load of dinner is in the dryer ... Who says I can't multi-task?
If Adam and Eve had been Chinese, we would still be in paradise - because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.
Alcohol does not make you FAT - It makes you lean.. Against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people.
I don't blame Disney for my high expecations in men. I blame the UK. ~ Benedict Cumberbatch ~ Tom Hiddleston ~
In case of an overdose ... order a pizza.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world!
I'm a Secondhand Vegetarian, Cows eat grass, I eat cows.
Weather Update: "Tomorrow will be sunny and 75 degrees with freezing rain and a foot of snow followed by record heat with icing conditions and a 95% chance that your guess is as good as mine."
December in Austin ~ This could be a day in the Netherlands, early morning, morning, late morning, noon, afternoon, early evening, late evening ... ;-)
Spring needs to stand up to winter
@Kathy Helmer I am sure you agree. ;-)
The woodpecker has to go!
Rock N Roll Vs Spiderman - Know The Difference!
First child eats dirt. Parent calls doctor. Second child eats dirt. Parent cleans out mouth. Third child eats dirt. Parent wonders if she really needs to feed him lunch.
If a man says you're ugly he's being mean. If a woman says you're ugly she's envious. If a little kid says you're ugly, then you're ugly.
Don't tell me I haven't got BALLS. I just happen to wear mine on my chest and I can guarentee they're a lot bigger than yours.