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Dwight Schrute

Superior genes. Superior brain power. Superior pinboard.

"Picture this: you’re climbing to the top of a summit in the Himalayas. You’re the fastest in the group thanks to your German endurance, and you feel like a more vigorous version of Captain Apollo, if that’s even possible. However you reach a higher altitude and your eyeglasses fog over. Everyone starts passing you, even the yaks. How could you have avoided this embarrassing disaster? Anti-fog lens cleaner, idiot!" - Dwight Schrute

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"Sunglasses aren’t for everyone. You need a strong German jaw line and an optimum ratio between the eyes. Luckily I have both, and look phenomenal in these Plutonite lenses. I wear them every day because my future is so bright." - Dwight Schrute

"I’ve been searching far and wide for horrific scarecrows – a twist on the old classic that’ll scare the scheißdreck out of crows and trespassers alike. I think I finally found a style I’m satisfied with." - Dwight Schrute

Scarecrow Trick

"There’s only one thing wrong with this jumpsuit worn by deckhand Anthony Figurski in season four of Battlestar Galactica: I don’t own it. I’m putting in my bid on ebay, and I had BETTER win because I’m planning on wearing this to my upcoming high school reunion. I can already see the envy on Raj Patel’s face!" - Dwight Schrute

Battlestar Galactica Figurski's Hero Orange Deck Hand Coveralls

"Nothing says, 'Get off my property, juvies! This is a beet farm, not the backseat of a Lumina!' quite like a vintage .22." - Dwight Schrute

Gotta love vintage .22LR rifles
  • Adam Wratten

    I used one of these to go nutria huntin' last week. Them's good eatin'.

  • Lucas Davidson

    I think a 30.06 might say your message a little louder, Dwight.

"I ordered this recorder after accidentally eating purple mushrooms that were mixed in with my beet crop. At the time I thought it was delightful, now I think it’s hideous. I’m selling it for $13.00." - Dwight Schrute

A Canadian metal artist with a lot to say: Sunday's quote

"I commend this shirt for two reasons. 1: it uses a realistic likeness of a heart. 2: it expresses esteem for Judge Judy, the only woman I could ever picture myself as." - Dwight Schrute

Shirt on

"It’s common knowledge that every warrior needs throwing stars in his ninja pack. I prefer these ones because they unfailingly cut into my target with ease (Jim’s tires)." - Dwight Schrute

"Aging, oil marks, discoloration. No I’m not describing your mother’s face, I’m talking about this U-Boat captain’s hat. It’s an outstanding reproduction. I should know – my great-uncle Horst had one just like it." - Dwight Schrute