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George Carlin on Fat People

Hilarious :) Homelessness And Golf ...Late Sir George Carlin

Personally I never take any precautions against germs. I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough. I don't wipe off the telephone, I don't cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor I pick it up and eat it~George Carlin on Germs, Immune System

george carlin on roosters, self help and motivation

The Very Best of Legendary Mitch Hedberg

THE NOONTIME NEWS: A woman in Montana was severely injured yesterday when she attempted to force-breast-feed a wolverine.

George Carlin talking about Losing Things

Here's another question I've been pondering- What is all this shit about angels? 3 out of 4 people believe in angels. Are you FUCKING STUPID? Has everybody lost their mind? What about Goblins, huh? Doesn't anybody believe in Goblins? You never hear about this.. Except on Halloween and then it's all negative shit. And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable!