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I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.

Just remember son, there isn't enough make-up in the world to cover up crazy.

Whenever someone says 'I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart', all I hear is 'I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart'.

You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. ecard

You just sang this didn't you? (I did too)