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One only gets discouraged when one expects too much of themselves. Anyone who tries to be absolutely perfect is going to fail. True , few ever succeed at being the best. And even when someone does, it’s usually just a matter of time before another comes along who is better. But if excessively high standards for yourself or anyone is getting in the way of you being as good to yourself and as hospitable to others as you CAN be, then it can be a stumbling block. A child striving to satisfy his parents demands is always better than one who justifies dismissing them because they feel that hopelessness of comparing their efforts to those who seem temporarily more successful. I like you. You're a thinker. I hope to get another response.
:) I like you too. And I like thinkers too. But again I'm not sure I'm as much of a thinker as a person who just can't leave it alone. I just felt compelled to defend the intent of the pin bc "hi my name is Trina and I am a recovering "Perfectionist". Plus I love a good argument as well ;) So I could not let it go that she posted something that I felt like I understood the intent COMPLETELY, & I felt like your comments, were true & valid but yet felt in a way were negating the intent of the Pin. I understand the intent as in; I have so many stories of not enjoying or might as well have missed it, events that I've hosted or "been in charge of" where a good time was had by all ... except one, me. That is bc they were never "perfect" and by not perfect I mean, all in my head. Bc all I could focus on were the things I ran out of time to accomplish or didn't turn out EXACTLY like I wanted it. The key to all of those situations is I was the ONLY person who had any idea something was missing or that something went in a different direction so NO ONE was beating me up about anything except me. And to make it worse when praised I would deflect with a negative comment. Again all bc I would create an idea that I would deem to be "just perfect" but I was really setting myself up to fail right from the start, by putting myself through unnecessary stress to achieve something that no one asked of me, then just focus on the short comings that again were only in my head and take it to the farthest point of true "self abuse" which was to refuse myself any praise or recognition for my hard work and most of the times truly good work. I am not talking Martha Stewart issue like only needing perfection just at social or family gatherings, like throwing parties/events/holding holidays but I did the same with work to the point of being a broken cog in the corporate machine (THE MACHINE no less, IBM, or HAL for us truly nerdy perfectionist), to show how bad I was I could not even totally enjoy my hobbies that were supposed to be FUN & RELAXING AND DONE OF MY OWN FREE WILL! All bc I never achieved perfectionism with whatever art related hobby I chose to try. So far the only hobby that I've succeeded in not ruining by my need for my perfectionism is reading. But how could even the worst self appointed perfectionist ruin reading a good book? Besides you are either a READER or you are not. All of those aspects from start to finish I was abusing myself all under the heading of "it has to be perfect" and the key to achieving my own set of "perfect" was always going to be unattainable bc I was not going to let myself succeed. Bc I was never going to accept the compliment to be true bc "only if .." then they would have had a better time. Or even worse I would be so wrapped up in the moment of "achieving perfection" that while I might have been succeeding or if I did make a great thing/presentation/whatever, I was too busy beating myself up for all the things that again only I knew were missing or different to enjoy the happy moment I created or praise I deserved. I even missed out on the things that were horrible disasters bc I was still too busy in my head beating myself up that I missed out on something that could have been a valuable learning experience, bc most of my biggest failures were AWESOME learning moments! I just had to go back later & realize what I missed out on could have saved me time & energy if only I had been in the moment instead of just beating myself up in my head! I I think athletes & other type of serious competitors (hello any one trying to climb the corporate ladder) are not truly "perfectionist", I think they want to succeed for themselves bc it brings them joy to work hard then achieve the best that they could have and still be thinking about how to do it better next time without missing out on that moment. I think you almost nailed it with the parent child analogy but you missed a key point; which ever child is striving to satisfy their parents demands may be "the better child" while the negative Nancy with a dismissive attitude of not even trying may not be "the better child" BUT .... the child that is TRULY the best child is the one that is striving to please their parents because they, the child, truly get a sense of satisfaction within themselves when they achieve their goal of pleasing their parents. Not JUST bc their parents are satisfied but bc that same sense of satisfaction is also enjoyed by the child as well. That will be the better competitor or hell just happier human being bc they set an attainable goal, worked at it, achieved it, and gained pleasure from the goal being met. Again just for redundancy sake plus to make sure anyone who reads this thinks doesn't think I am some snotty know it all, I truly just want to defend the fact that being a perfectionist REALLY is self abuse and it sucks the joy out of so many experiences that you can not get back that you will later regret missing. And my own experience of having to teach myself, as an adult, to set goals that can be beyond my scope or skill, try to achieve them, and then I either achieve them or not but I have learned how to enjoy the whole experience of just trying my best bc I want to achieve my goal of doing my best. But the most important reason is that I got tired of "missing" things that I was literally in the middle of experiencing bc I was too caught up in my head beating myself up to even realize I was MISSING IT. Which sounds so stupid & simple; enjoy the moment or hate the moment but at least BE IN THE MOMENT. But most of us "perfectionist" are so busy berating ourselves for an imaginary moment that we end up missing a million real moments and that is sad! Sorry for the long rant/comment but it was like we were arguing about agreeing on the same subject so I just HAD to clarify myself ... the perfectionist bug strikes again (´･_･`)✌️
Careful what you ask for ... Sorry bc that is one long response ⌛️
A Thing of Beauty (Day 1) Jan'14 Striving to be perfect may be discouraging in a world that exhumes & promotes such badness, But is certainly not self-abuse. A woman who keeps herself strong and clean in heart and mind A child striving to live up to his parents demands A discouraged one fighting off dark thoughts in efforts to defeat disruptive influence All things done to counteract worldly behaviour Is a thing of beauty. Especially in Jehovah's eyes. Remain sensitive to worldly behaviour. A Thing Of Beauty (Day 2) Jan'14 Us perfectionists are, all in all, our most critical judge. I agree with your version of the child/parent analogy. Does Anne Wilson Schaef believe in attainable goals? Do you know? Achieving perfection is something that most of us would enjoy , but disagree on what perfection is, and what it could accomplish. We all have to let go, or sacrifice a part of ourselves to attempt to achieve this. And one way I've found it easier to achieve my version is through humility. Everyone knows the man/woman who thinks too much of themselves will not only chase away peoples approval, but make it harder to accept themselves... ( unless the man/woman in question is an egomaniac )... Although with absolute humility, you could lose respect from a specific genre of personality. Fine balance. But once we do let go some of our pride, and combine that with admittance in our being imperfect, it usually makes others and especially yourself feel much better with the result. Accomplished. Like u said, satisfied. I see perfection as being something attainable if circumstances were VERY different. Everyone has their own perception of what perfection is and should be. Therefore, everyone would have to agree on the meaning in order to start working towards it. I feel it's this subject that is a tremendous part of purpose. For as long as history has recorded, everyone has proved to feel so different that they've decided to divide the world into sections, drawing "borders of acceptance" all over the place, as to say "my rules are better, back off!" ...go over there with your people and stay there.. Etc.. Civil Wars.. Etc... If without some kind of effort to rectify what is already a huge mess; all perfection is is a striving to do what we feel is our best for the benefit of others. Which in itself is still beautiful. Especially those who beat themselves in an attempt to make it even better. Inner beauty. I see your interpretation of imperfections being something one is embarrassed over by social means. This is also beautiful. But only because you can see, deep inside, the passion for wanting to make it perfect.
I skipped breakfast to write this.
Amen to this.