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I don't always buy a box of cheeze its... but when I do...I eat the entire box

If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I'll be there.

I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

Don't rush me, I'm waiting for the last minute.

Rottenecards - Don't rush me, I'm waiting for the last minute.

rottenecards.com

Sometimes my kids like me, but I'm pretty sure it's only because I'm their Oreo dealer.

I can turn this entire cake into a single serving. Your move, Weight Watchers.

WE EXAMINE FAILURES TO REMIND US WE'RE WINNERS

Is it rude to throw a breath mint in your coworkers mouth while they're talking.

My work plan for today is to be a total asshole!.. It's my plan every Monday!

I don't call it the walk of shame. I call it the stride of pride because there ain't no shame in my game.

Your Facebook posts make me want to meet your high school English teacher... And fire him.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack.

Wow, I didn't know I was so popular, I went to Google and typed in "ME" .... and came up with 842,000,000 results.

The bumper stickers on your car make me regret the day I learned to read.

I hate Mornings, People, My Job and Working Out. Other than that I'm fine.

You've got your head so far up your ass, you can see out of your belly button.

Listen... If someone tells you that you drink too much coffee, just stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life!!

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY STOLE MY RECIPE FOR NOT GIVING A CRAP

Preach on my posts..... What part of crazy bitch....don't you understand?