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No Issues today! I'm in my awesome bubble and no one else is allowed in!

You can't fix stupid. But you can put duct tape over it and muffle the sound.

Maybe making out for a few minutes would help us figure things out.

Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with one Oreo.

It's amazing how I've been able to train my Boss to expect so little from me.

Spanking is a one handed round of applause in appreciation of a magnificent ass.

I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee.

Is a 6 month cruise twice A year too much too ask for?

Single women aren't really that difficult to figure out. Either we like you enough to shave for you, or we don't.

Thigh gaps are for flamingos. Eat a cupcake........ I promise you'll survive.

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "HaHa good one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

After many years of in depth research, scientists have recently confirmed the most effective form of birth control is in fact wedding cake.

I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian...

16 people who got sweet revenge on a cheater | Funny Blog

blog.rottenecards.com

I've been single for a while and I have to say.... It's going very well. I think I'm the one.

I don't need your advice on what I should and shouldn't eat. I need you to follow me around and slap the junk food out of my hand.

Once again honey... Your shit doesn't add up.

Rottenecards - Once again honey... Your shit doesn't add up.

rottenecards.com

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won't text me back.