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A 99 pack of beer. Your check liver light just came on.

I'm not an angry drunk. I'm angry that I have to get drunk to deal with you.

I have a dream That you will stop talking.

Have you let everyone else know... That they all suck but you?

You remind me of restaurant leftovers... You become a little less appetizing the longer you stick around.

If stupidity were a high rise apartment, you'd be the sole occupant on the top floor.

I'm not an angry drunk. I'm angry that I have to get drunk to deal with you.

Our relationship will go a lot smoother.. If you'll inform me which of your two faces I'm speaking to ahead of time.

Trust me... The last thing juicy about you is your ass.

If you're looking for your knife... I think my back found it.

Regret is on the phone. You two should talk.

The difference between your opinion and your jeans... Is that your jeans carry a lot of weight.

Is unemployed. Yelps about how badly other people do their jobs.

I can't say I completely hate you, but when I use the toilet at your house, I always wipe shit on the bathroom door handle!

I'm so thankful for all of the people who aren't in my life!

You're the kind of woman a guy should take to show and tell In psychology class. Crazy bitch.

All aboard the Struggle Bus!

Rottenecards - All aboard the Struggle Bus!

rottenecards.com

If you're looking for your knife... I think my back found it.

Regret is on the phone. You two should talk.

The difference between your opinion and your jeans... Is that your jeans carry a lot of weight.

Is unemployed. Yelps about how badly other people do their jobs.

Listening to your opinions immediately transports me to the soothing sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.

You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn't? Yeah, I don't have one of those.

Don't ever think you have it that bad. Somewhere in the world, someone just ran out of wine

We have the perfect mother, daughter relationship... You're my mother and I'm perfect!