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There's a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad." It's more like "Her old ass should know better."
I sometimes watch birds and wonder "I I could fly who would I shit on?"
I would on a lot of people!
Why are you on the internet looking at other cats?
Jack wanted me to send this to you.he's feeling neglected!
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do stupid shit is fired.
Hi, we understand you are 40 and still not married.
I finally know what skinny feels like. Hungry. It feels like hungry.
Get adopted they said. It will be fun, they said.
No, you're wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal; but then it gets b-o-r-i-n-g, so I go back to being me.
He's so cute
Oh honey, you have gone beyond muffin-top; that's a busted can of biscuits.
Sweetie I'm not laughing at your bad luck, I'm merely cheering on Karma for doing such a great job of biting you in the ass...that's totally different...
Wait.. What are you referring to? cx
Oh I thought my mom but that works too xD
Lmbo luv luv luv tht
I am fluent in three languages...English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.
perhaps a beautiful picture of lucille ball?! ;)
Some people say I have a "short temper", I prefer to call it "A swift and assertive reaction to bullshit".
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, bitch seriously what the fuck is your problem?
I found your nose. It was in my business.
Look, I'm trying to rant here. Stop interrupting me with "facts" and "reason".
Oh yea lets have some fun!
I do many things well, none of which generate income.
You're my best friend. Until you start calling me instead of texting. Then it's over between us.
OMG bc if you call, it means it's an emergency!!! LOL
I only call if I'm super pissed like last nt
I call my friend because we are both too lazy to text because it requires too much effort
Soo funny!!!! How dare you make my phone ring?!! No time for that kind of shenanigans!
You made me laugh so hard...tears ran down my leg
I need a new perspective on life...or maybe just a nap. Yeah, probably just a nap.
We should open a store called "Forever 39". We can sell wine and Yoga pants. You in?
Whoever said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" has clearly never had cupcakes. Or wine. Or chocolate. Or pizza.
Doormat: The neighbors have better stuff