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There's a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad." It's more like "Her old ass should know better."

I sometimes watch birds and wonder "I I could fly who would I shit on?"

Why are you on the internet looking at other cats?

Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do stupid shit is fired.

Hi, we understand you are 40 and still not married.

I finally know what skinny feels like. Hungry. It feels like hungry.

skinny feels kind of like hungry…. | I Love Funny Pics

Get adopted they said. It will be fun, they said.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal; but then it gets b-o-r-i-n-g, so I go back to being me.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal

Oh honey, you have gone beyond muffin-top; that's a busted can of biscuits.

Sweetie I'm not laughing at your bad luck, I'm merely cheering on Karma for doing such a great job of biting you in the ass...that's totally different...

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I am fluent in three languages...English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.

  • Oona

    perhaps a beautiful picture of lucille ball?! ;)

Some people say I have a "short temper", I prefer to call it "A swift and assertive reaction to bullshit".

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, bitch seriously what the fuck is your problem?

I found your nose. It was in my business.

Look, I'm trying to rant here. Stop interrupting me with "facts" and "reason".

I do many things well, none of which generate income.

I do many things well…

You're my best friend. Until you start calling me instead of texting. Then it's over between us.

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We should open a store called "Forever 39". We can sell wine and Yoga pants. You in?

Whoever said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" has clearly never had cupcakes. Or wine. Or chocolate. Or pizza.

Doormat: The neighbors have better stuff

Inspire Me Now Threat / Reed Wilson: Defensemat - photography...