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I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so I won't be tempted to eat ice cream later.

Its a bird, its a plane... No wait, its the flying fuck I dont give.

Stage 1: Denial Stage 2: Pain Stage 3: BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN!

Reminds me of someone, right down to the hat.

Calling him a douche is an insult to all the lovely vaginal cleansers out there.

Flip the right switch and watch me go from 0 to Evil Bitch in .06 seconds.

It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a douchebag for the rest of your life.

I dont hate you after finding out you were seeing someone else, and of course we can still be friends! Right after you eat a dick and die.

you're so pretty and so awesome to be around. I just think you deserve better than someone that's going to tell you this so they can continue cheating.

I don't exactly hate you. I'm just saying that if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

It would be so much easier to break up with him if he didn't have nude pictures of me.

Spoiler alert! You're a douchebag.

You're lactose intolerant right?

I would wish you well but even the devil has something better in store for you.

You like to complicate things, Why dont you go do a Suduko puzzle.

Wait, let me check......... Yep, fresh out of giving a fuck.

Every day since we broke up is the best day of my life.

Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?

I don't hate you... I just hope you get run over by a truck, a train, and a steamroller in that order.

Thank you for dumping me. My eye twitch has now gone away completely.