HAIRY CHESTS I WANT TO CRY ON
Dudes with lush, fluffy chest hair that looks highly tear absorbent.
Mark Ruffalo? More like Mark Buffalo, look at that hairy hide. Speaking of buffalo, I wanna drive his body to the verge of extinction.
Hairy Lorenzo Lamas. Not a joke, he played a character named "Lance Cumson" on Falcon Crest. How was that allowed?!
Hairy Hasslehoff. His expression is like "Yeah, I'd be up for all kinds of crazy sh*t, seriously anything."
Steve Martin's chest hair. Its coloration and fluffiness make me think of a beautiful latch hook rug of the desert.
NO. NOT ACCEPTABLE. NO FAKE CHEST HAIR!! This ridiculous "chest merkin" is an insult to naturally hirsute men everywhere and unfit to absorb a single molecule of my tears.
Pierce Brosnan. Did you know men weren't allowed to be photographed in the eighties unless they exposed some chest hair while riding on a yacht?
pierce brosnan shirtless
Tom Jones. In the song "What's New, Pussy Cat?" he's actually talking to his chest hair, which he nicknamed "Pussy Cat".
Hairy Ian Gomez!!! I want a life size print of this on my wall so I can run into it and pretend he's giving me a hug.
Jemaine Clement in Gentlemen Broncos. What's hotter than a dude with full, fluffy chest hair? A dude wearing a BLUETOOTH!!! (swoon!)