My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.