Diffusing Anger: 25 Tips

Imagine yourself as a munitions expert who has been brought in to disarm the bomb before it explodes. You'd would need considerable expertise and focusing strategies to prepare yourself for the task at hand. Similarly, diffusing a client's, boss's, colleague's, or another person's anger requires a cool head and practice. Below are Blue Pencil Institute's top 25 tips for diffusing another person's anger. For more information about Blue Pencil Institute, visit us at www.bluepencilinstitute.com.

25 Pins

·12y

Dr. Laura Hills, Blue Pencil Institute

a business woman with her hand up in the air while wearing a black suit and white shirt

Businesswoman showing STOP!

Stop and focus. Don’t become distracted by other activities or try to multitask. Stop whatever you are doing and give the angry person your undivided attention. For example, do not write or enter data into your computer while the person is speaking to you, even if it is about that person. Put down the pen, take your hands off the keyboard, and listen to the person. www.bluepencilinstitute.com

a man and woman in business attire standing back to back with their backs turned towards the camera

People Standing Back To Back

Stock Photography Free

Trending Videos

Business people standing back to back. Vertical shot.

Respect the person’s right to be angry. You may be tempted to evaluate the merit of the person’s complaint while you are listening to it and dismiss some anger as unjustified or unreasonable. Try to curb that common and very understandable response. Instead, assume that your person has the right to be angry, even before you know all of the details and regardless of the circumstances. Give the person permission in your mind to own his or her anger and to be entitled to it.

Tax Brackets

Personal Finance Advice

95,263 Business People Anger Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Don’t assume that the issue is the issue. In many conflicts the issue at hand is often not the real or underlying issue. What really matters to clients is probably not the $3 overcharge or the fact that they were kept waiting on the phone for two minutes. What does matter is more likely to be a feeling of not being respected, not being listened to, or not being valued. Look for the real problem beneath the words. How you respond is more important in the long run than the surface issue itself.

a woman in a black suit making a face with her hand and pointing at the camera

Clenched Jaw

Talking Back

Celebrity Entertainment

95,263 Business People Anger Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Look for and be attuned to anger escalation signs and cues. There are many tip-offs that anger may be escalating. Observe the person closely for changes in body language such as a clenched jaw or fists, stiff posture, audible breathing, fidgeting or pacing, or eyes widening. Pay close attention to changes in behavior such as when a person strains his or her voice or suddenly clams up. Try to notice signs that the anger is ratcheting up so you can act before the person loses control.

Don't rationalize. Angry people don’t want to hear that what's angering them doesn’t make sense or that they don't have cause to be as angry as they are. Anger is an emotion and is therefore experienced in the right side of the brain. Rationalizing, problem solving, listening, and negotiating are all left-brain activities. The angry person will be stuck in right side thinking and therefore, can’t be expected to rationalize. Rationalize later on to resolve the issue once the person calms down. Happy Images, Weights For Women, Mental Disorders, Fat Fast, Healthy Body, Health Tips, Diet Plan, Health And Wellness

95,263 Business People Anger Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Don't rationalize. Angry people don’t want to hear that what's angering them doesn’t make sense or that they don't have cause to be as angry as they are. Anger is an emotion and is therefore experienced in the right side of the brain. Rationalizing, problem solving, listening, and negotiating are all left-brain activities. The angry person will be stuck in right side thinking and therefore, can’t be expected to rationalize. Rationalize later on to resolve the issue once the person calms down.

Keep your cool. Know the hot buttons that are likely to stimulate your own retaliatory anger response. For example, it will help you to stay in control if you know that you're likely to become angry when you’re falsely accused of a wrongdoing. Own your hot buttons and be aware when they're starting to be pushed. Don't be pulled into the anger. Detach and observe the situation from slightly outside of yourself. Remember: You won’t be effective if you retaliate with more anger. Falsely Accused, Open Enrollment, Distance Education, Anger Management, Keep Cool, Keep Your Cool, Healthcare Professionals, Royalty Free Images

Healthcare Professionals

Royalty Free Images

95,263 Business People Anger Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Keep your cool. Know the hot buttons that are likely to stimulate your own retaliatory anger response. For example, it will help you to stay in control if you know that you're likely to become angry when you’re falsely accused of a wrongdoing. Own your hot buttons and be aware when they're starting to be pushed. Don't be pulled into the anger. Detach and observe the situation from slightly outside of yourself. Remember: You won’t be effective if you retaliate with more anger.

two red boxing gloves with the words linked in on them are held by a businessman

Future Husband Prayer

Social Media Marketing Campaign

127,952 Business People Fighting Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Don’t try to set limits. An angry person who's losing self control is unlikely to respond well to commands such as “Calm down” or “Stop yelling at me” or “Stop talking to me that way.” The person may be so irrational that he'll no longer hear you or respond. In fact, attempts to establish verbal limits such as these may fan the flames of anger and cause the person to become even louder and more agitated. Avoid the temptation to use such remarks when a person’s anger has the better of him.

a man and woman face to face in front of a white background with the words,'el contra dos outros '

127,952 Business People Fighting Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Remember that the anger is probably not directed at you personally. This is usually true even when the person's language is directed at you such as when he calls you an unflattering name or accuses you of wrongdoing. Most often, a person on the attack is seeking acknowledgment and response to his or her emotional distress as well as the issue at hand. Try not to take cutting remarks personally but instead, look for hidden meanings and strategies that will diffuse the anger.

a man in a business suit is holding a pencil and pointing it at the camera

212 Business Person Breaking Pencil Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Maintain eye contact. You may be tempted to look away from the angry person, but don’t. For one thing, he may assume incorrectly that averting your eyes from him means that you’re not listening to or taking him seriously. For another, it will become much easier for the person to boil over when he or she loses sight of the fact that you're a real, living, breathing human being. Maintaining eye contact makes it much more difficult for him to do that.

a man holding a cell phone in his right hand and an electrical hazard sign above him

876,723 Angry Face Images, Stock Photos, 3D objects, & Vectors | Shutterstock

Call the person by name. For example, you may begin by saying, “Clearly you’re upset, Mr. Johnson….” Personalizing and humanizing the interaction by using the person’s name will demonstrate that you respect the angry person and let him know that you are listening to him.

Related searches

Communication in mar...

Generations in the w...

Bad boss

Womens suits business

Smile thoughts

a man in a suit pointing to the side with his finger on an isolated white background

Turning Around Reference

Person Turning Around Reference

876,723 Angry Face Images, Stock Photos, 3D objects, & Vectors | Shutterstock

Don’t interrupt. It will probably not be effective for you to interrupt the person when he or she is venting anger and frustration. In fact, a poorly-timed interruption may serve like gasoline on a raging fire and make the situation worse. Therefore, listen and wait for the waves of emotion to recede before you try to respond. Take quiet deep breaths and patiently wait for a natural break in the tirade or for your turn to speak. www.bluepencilinstitute.com

Speak softly and with a steady and relatively slow tone. If you try to shout over the person or match his loud volume, he's likely to concentrate on the verbal battle for attention and won't pay attention to the content of your message. www.bluepencilinstitute.com Moving To Seattle, Hr Management, Looking For A Job, Christian Grey, Shake It Off, Life Balance, What You Can Do, Going To Work

Fist Desk Photos, Images & Pictures | Shutterstock

Speak softly and with a steady and relatively slow tone. If you try to shout over the person or match his loud volume, he's likely to concentrate on the verbal battle for attention and won't pay attention to the content of your message. www.bluepencilinstitute.com

an old woman making a face with her eyes closed

Woman Business Suit

Angry Images

Feeling Helpless

Womens Suits Business

January 26

Baptist Church

Business Suit

Interesting Questions

Grey Women

6,006 Older Angry Images, Stock Photos, 3D objects, & Vectors | Shutterstock

Identify the person’s primary area(s) of concern. Listen to the inflections and emphasis the person places on specific topics. Listen to the emotion as well as to the words. This will help you to identify the specific items that will need your primary attention. Pay particular attention if you’re not sure what the person is feeling or what has happened so you'll be able to ask good questions when the time comes. For example, is the person feeling helpless? Vulnerable? Threatened? Disrespected?

Keep your facial expression receptive. Don't scowl, widen your eyes, furrow or raise your brow, or otherwise indicate that you're unreceptive to or judging what the person is saying. Likewise, don’t smile, smirk, laugh, sigh, roll your eyes, or otherwise indicate that you’re dismissing the person. Don’t bow your head to a position of submission, either. Rather, relax your jaw and brow, keep your chin up, and express through your face that you’re paying attention, receptive, and in control. Keep Your Chin Up, Narcissistic Parent, 3d Objects, Counseling, Parenting

6,006 Older Angry Images, Stock Photos, 3D objects, & Vectors | Shutterstock

Keep your facial expression receptive. Don't scowl, widen your eyes, furrow or raise your brow, or otherwise indicate that you're unreceptive to or judging what the person is saying. Likewise, don’t smile, smirk, laugh, sigh, roll your eyes, or otherwise indicate that you’re dismissing the person. Don’t bow your head to a position of submission, either. Rather, relax your jaw and brow, keep your chin up, and express through your face that you’re paying attention, receptive, and in control.

a woman pointing at the camera and making a face with her thumb on white background

Business Grants For Women

Woman In Business

Grants For Women

Business Clothes

Small Business Administration

Small Business Resources

Small Business Loans

Business Grants

290,707 Business Angry Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Place the person first and the problem second. In most cases, there are two conflicting issues that occur simultaneously when dealing with an irate person. The first issue is the person's emotional distress. The second is the technical or administrative issue that appears to be causing the distress. While it may seem logical to focus first on the technical or administrative issue, your biggest priority should be the person’s emotional distress.