I wonder about this. A cpl years back I was so sick and in so much pain I wanted to die and even begged for it. Having no support outside of my close family, I told myself that if I was able to I would be of service to those whom needed it. So that they get the help I didn't have. Look at me now.
He found me out in the wilderness, in an empty, windswept wasteland. He threw his arms around me, lavished attention on me, guarding me as the apple of his eye. Deuteronomy 32:10-14 Yup, that was the Word He spoke over me!