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    Whoever is my Secret Santa should please contact me about the brand of whiskey I prefer to hide in my desk.

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    Let's have a movie night at home so we can avoid people in the theater who act like they're at home.

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    I'll be waiting under the mistletoe for you and not just because I don't feel like socializing.

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    I need to cancel our plans to avoid show spoilers and because I don't want to leave the house.

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    I miss the days of Sarah Palin being the scariest Republican candidate in history

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    Thanks for posting a year-end recap of all the reasons I should unfriend you.

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    Just a heads up that you really don't need to worry about getting me a holiday gift if you already bought me an engagement ring.

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    I love you so much I'd even forgive you for spoiling a season finale for me.

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    Facebook. Allowing people to passive-aggressively vent frustration with friends and loved ones since 2006.

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    #ProfessionalAvoider

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    Free, News Ecard: The scariest news you can get from a loved one is that they support Trump for president.

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    Don't forget to buy your Halloween candy early so you have time to buy more after you eat it all.

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    I used to be able to pull all-nighters but now I can barely pull all-dayers.

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    The fact that I'm quiet around you isn't because I'm shy. It's because you bother me.

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    I like you exactly as much as won't freak you out.

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    Thinking of you during this difficult time in your ridiculously easy life.

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    I hope my physical proximity makes up for my emotional distance.

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    It doesn't need to be your birthday for me to put something pointless on your Facebook Timeline.

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    You make me happier than when I look at my alarm clock and realize I've got two more hours of sleep.

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    I promise to never retweet you without also faving.

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    Today's the perfect day to apologize to your mom for making her give birth to you in the sweltering summer heat.

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    I love you more than the person you pretend to be on Facebook.

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    If you're actually able to pry the clothes off my sweaty body you can have what's underneath.

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    Wishing you a speedy recovery from your overreaction to a mild sunburn.

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    I'd love to go to the gym with you and watch you work out.

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