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Sorry everyone assumed you were a horrible bigot because you didn't add a rainbow filter to your profile picture.

Sorry a horse accomplished something greater in the last 37 years than you have.

The closest I get to camping is staying at a hotel with no wifi.

The only death I fear is my phone battery's.

It's so exciting to introduce a new generation to what dinosaurs probably didn't look like.

Let's see Jurassic World for your birthday so you can feel like less of a dinosaur.

Just wanted to let you know that your standing desk can be adjusted to the standing position.

The only time anyone calls me is when I ask them to help find my phone.

Sorry you got laid off from a job you despised.

The peak of my productivity is downloading dozens of productivity apps.

When life shuts a door, open it again. That's how doors work.

Quitting after your first win is a great way to stay undefeated.

If your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you have severe physical deformities.

Sorry your show about dragons and magic is over.

Sorry you need winter clothes to endure the temperature in your office during summer.

The only reason I waited so long to apologize is because I hoped you'd forget why I owed you an apology.

I'd love to go on a vacation but I can't afford the ride to the airport.

My version of hot yoga is arching my body away from my flaming hot car seat in summer.

A great way to save money is to have too much social anxiety to go out and do things.

You're pretty emotionally unavailable for someone who shares every single one of their feelings on social media.

I had such a good time at your party that I almost actually stayed.

Panic attacks are my cardio.

Let me know if you need me to work late on doing nothing.

Sorry you took it as a compliment when I compared you to a Kardashian.

I was just wondering... Does anyone else get road rage from pushing a cart through Walmart... or is it just me?

technology Archives - convergineer

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