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I love you and it's not just the allergy medication talking.

Sorry your seasonal allergies require more drugs than the entire lineup of Fleetwood Mac in the 1970s.

I hope I can find a second job to pay for the day care I need because of my first one.

My version of iced coffee is not having a free moment to drink my hot coffee until it's repulsively cold.

Sorry your seasonal allergies require more drugs than the entire lineup of Fleetwood Mac in the 1970s.

For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional.

I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.

I wanted to wish you an especially happy Mother's Day not that I know what it's like to be a mom.

May the only person pressing your buttons this Mother's Day be a trained masseuse.

In honor of Mother's Day, I'm going to try to do a few things today without your help.

When people tell me I'm turning into my mother I actually take it as a compliment.

Happy Mother’s Day to the iPad that is raising your children.

Happy Mother's Day to the one person who believes I could do anything despite all evidence to the contrary.

According to this BMI chart... I am too short.

Sometimes You Just Need to Laugh - Paperblog

It's too bad your selfie stick isn't long enough to capture how ridiculous you look using a selfie stick.

I'm doing my part to conserve water by drinking wine instead.

I'd go out during a high pollen count to see you.

Congratulations on losing enough weight to update your profile picture.

Whenever anything major happens to me, you'll be the first to know after Facebook.

I'm honored to be the anonymous arm of a cropped out body in your new profile picture.

Happy Earth Day to someone even hotter than our planet.

The common thread in all your problems is you.

Sorry we keep getting into fights about things you're always wrong about.

I find your lack of Disney magic disturbing.

So then they handcuffed me and said "Anything you say can and will be held against you." So I said "Ryan Gosling."

funny your e cards Ryan Gosling