I've always known it, and He's always with me. I did really have anyone my whole life, but he's always opened doors for me, and taken care of me. His love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.
Here's a thought. Technically, Jesus just wants you to have a good life and love everybody and not fear death. So why are you sitting here denying yourself life's pleasure because the church tells you to, when Jesus himself already told you to be happy?