I had a wet dream about you last night. You got hit by a car and I pissed myself laughing.
If the camera adds 10 pounds..... Exactly how many cameras were pointing at your ass in that picture?
I'm sorry I slapped you, but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
I'm saving all my spare change to later transfer to a sock so I can hit you upside the head the next time you get on my nerves.
People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you're having diarrhea is better.
Trouble With Co-workers: You know it's gonna be a bad day when the bitch is starting trouble before she even shows up.
Best gym sign I've seen - Imgur