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Funny stuff. Pins from lutzcreativegroup.com/musings and others.
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Lutz Creative Group, LLC
God Made You
Make It Yourself
When God made you … Actually, He didn’t make you. Your parents did. Yes, as disturbing as it is to think about, YOUR parents had sex. Yeah, I threw up a little myself.
If I were to come back as an animal, I’d be a cat. To be specific though, a cat with a serious aversion to butt-licking.
What separates the men from the boys? For some, a restraining order.
I Believe In Me
I don’t believe in past lives. Hell, I’m not even sure I believe in my current one.
Do hipster cannibals only eat gluten-free, non-GMO, free-range people?
I was thinking of getting a Pumpkin Spiced Espresso Macchiato. Then I remembered, I have a penis.
How I do home improvement: Measure twice, cut once. Cut wrong. Curse. A lot. Throw things. Then go back to Home Depot for a third fucking time. Screw up again. Hire a professional.
Who wears the pants in my family? Hopefully, everyone. No one wants to see grandma’s hoo-ha.
Look In The Mirror
The only time it’s okay to point a finger at someone is when you’re looking in a mirror.
Believe nothing. Question everything.
“It’s so cute” A phrase a naked man never wants to hear a woman say.
Whenever I see a grown man on an ill-fitted bicycle without any biking garb I always think “DWI”.
You are entitled to your opinion. You are also allowed to be wrong. Often they are one and the same.
When I sit in a crowded airport and look around at the mass of people, I often think, “most of these people have pooped today”.
There is the courtesy “flush” or “spray”. But I’m more a fan of the courtesy “You do NOT want to go in there!”.
“Detox” and “Cleanse” are just fancy words for diarrhea.
Speak clearly. If you don’t, you may end up with Hep C instead of a Pepsi.
I have never lost an excuse. But I can always find one.
I’ve never had a threesome… unless the cat watching counts.
People say men can hide their weight more easily than women. That’s true, I hide mine under my man boobs.
Apparently, Rick Astley hasn't heard the expression, "never say never".
I’m not a liar, but my pet unicorn is.
After seeing him perform, I understand why so many people don't like pit bulls.