Gonna try this
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Waitress Problem: I love telling you all twelve dressings we carry just to have you choose ranch...
If this is your kid (hint: if you have a kid this applies) tip minimum of at least 20% just because server has to clean up after him/her
Yea, seriously what have you done all your life? You don't understand why we have hosts at the front of the damn restaurant?
I tell my staff all the time.... You come in at 10:30 !!!
Oh no, it's okay. Sometimes I have to eat more than half of the plate to realize that I didn't like it either.