Schmidt just knows.
When someone chooses the wrong time to ask how your day was.
"Schmidt's here ALL NIGHT!"
"Text him one of the little yellow men. The emoti...the emoticons. You know...with the faces."
"Can someone please get my towel? It's in my room next to my Irish walking cape!" (New Girl - "Jess & Julia")
"What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig?" (New Girl - "Landlord")
"I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience." (New Girl - "Bully")
"Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses." (New Girl - "Control")
"I'm gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!" (New Girl - "Control")
"I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!" (New Girl - "Secrets")
"Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?" (New Girl - "Normal")
"Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They're like the people version of pleated pants." (New Girl - "Backslide")
"Jess, first of all, you're never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 2026. Second of all, give me your phone. You have backslider written all over you." (New Girl - "Backslide")
"When Nick leaves, I'm gonna call a plumber and just throw money at him while he works." (New Girl - "See Ya")
"In America, honey, okay, Mickey Mouse is earthbound." (New Girl - "Tomatoes")
"Jess, this room is not a place of comforting. This is Darwin’s jungle, where open-minded people do weird things to each other." (New Girl - "Normal")
"I was the bomb-diggity as a baby. They say I needed a magnum-sized diaper." (New Girl - "Kids")
"The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence Day obviously, Women's History Month, and Christmas." (New Girl - "Thanksgiving")
“You really think she’d eat me up? Like buffet style? ‘Cause I’ve got that prime rib, yo. Carving station, plates are warm, sneezing guard, kids eat for free… except for the ki-… except for the last part.” (New Girl - "Thanksgiving")
"We built this Schmidty, we built this Schmidty on Tootsie Rolls!" (New Girl - "The Story Of The 50")
"Incidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants." (New Girl - "The Story Of The 50")
"You've got some Schmidt on your face.” (New Girl - "Kryptonite")