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Dog Restrainer If you're not trying to cut your dog in half, you have no business using this device. What's wrong with a good, old-fashioned leash?

Cigarette Rain Guard Because sometimes it's raining so hard that even your cigarette needs an umbrella.

Face Protectors for Snow Storms For all of those times when a hat isn't enough to keep you warm, you can look like one of those creepy monsters from Beetlejuice?

Baby Cage Does your baby take up too much space? Is it too stinky? Thankfully, there's this baby cage that allows you to suspend it out your window!...who would buy this?

You thought it only existed in cartoons. You were wrong. Now you can look awake even when you are asleep.

Ponytails are so passé. The best way to keep your hair out of your noodles

Baby Mop At least the baby will have a great immune system after some time being used as a mop and bathing in dirt.

Baby Carrier "Jack Milford, player with the Wembley Monarchs ice hockey team, has invented a carrying device so that his baby can join his wife and himself on the ice." Ice skating is more important to this man than the safety of his child.