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I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering "I love you" repeatedly while they struggle to break free.

I love you more than anything, except my dog.

Sorry! I'd rather stay home and nurse an unhealthy level of attachment to my dog than socialize with people!

WHY can't PINTEREST be my job? I'm so good at it. @ Heidi McCracken

I can't go on blaming the dog. I don't have one.