The lessons are in the struggle! I struggle with this all the time, constantly having to remind myself that they need to learn how to make difficult choices and that they can be strong in difficult times. For the difficult times and difficult choices will always come.
The worst and harshest critics of a new or young mom is another new or young mom. We all do it different this parenting thing. As long as the child is safe and thriving just let it be with the judgements.