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"Mom tried to raise a lady but Dad won. He raised a woman that doesn't take crap from anyone." In my case it was the opposite.

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: Oh, you want to lose 3 lbs for bikini season? I had to eat raw carrots for lunch just to squeeze back into my fat jeans. WALK AWAY.

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: Oh, you want to lose 3 lbs for bikini season? I had to eat raw carrots for lunch just to squeeze back into my fat jeans. WALK AWAY.

I'm not calling you a 'slut'. I am calling you a 'penny'-because you are two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

I'm not calling you a 'slut'. I am calling you a 'penny'-because you are two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

The best part of my job

The best part of my job

Nothing makes me laugh quite as hard as laughing at my own snorts.

Nothing makes me laugh quite as hard as laughing at my own snorts.

This is probably called SOCD, and I totally have it!

This is probably called SOCD, and I totally have it!

Everyone's all 'I need a spray tan' and I'm over here like 'Will SPF 75 be strong enough?'

Everyone's all 'I need a spray tan' and I'm over here like 'Will SPF 75 be strong enough?'

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