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Pedicure season

The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have!

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Funny Weekend Ecard: Being asked if I want another drink is like being asked if I want money.

When Mommy finally gets up to spank your butt, that's when you know... Shit just got real.

So, SO true. I remember when my Mom got off the couch, I had messed up.

Serving my drinks in these tiny glasses is only creating more work for you. Now go and fetch me something more bucket-ish

Sunday morning all you can drink Mamosas. Just bring a pitcher. Seriously, I promise we are going to drink way more than one glass.

I realize blaming other people for your problems is kinda your 'thing', but may I recommend a bit of self-loathing instead?

I'm not a stripper or porn star. Also,I'm not fond of cutting my labia,or in grown hair infections. Therefore, the BUSH stays.

Take a shower honey, you smell like failure.

everytime I go, I get the 1 thing I DID need and a whole wallet full of random stuff.

she thinks she’s hot shit

Funny Confession Ecard: She thinks she's hot shit on a silver platter but she's just a cold turd on a paper plate. Ain't that the truth!

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Free and Funny Confession Ecard: I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today.' On the back 'But I won't do that.