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creative writing, this acctually makes complete sense! 'Throw up' everything you want in the story(don't let yourself go back to change anything), then go back with the editor mindset and make it make complete sense!
Buy a notebook. Write down what you want. Write down what hurts you. Show it to someone you love. Save it for your children. Burn it in your backyard. Either way, go to bed knowing that in some way, those things are out of you.