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Just do everything I want you to do, how I want you to do it, and we will have no problems.

You know that feeling where you want to clean the house all day and cook a huge meal for dinner? Yeah, me either.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

idk why this made me laugh so hard haha. please tell me i'm not the only one who read that in the napoleon voice???

Yes--but mainly i just wanted to keep the bottom picture.

He said he wanted an 'open' relationship so I pushed him out an 'open' window. Services will be 'open' casket followed by an 'open' bar.

For some reason this did indeed make me laugh out loud

Laughter is the best medicine...except for treating diarrhea...

BAHAHAHA!!! And I love that it's her mom!!!! This would pretty much be my relationship with my momma.

Please cancel my subscription... I've had enough of your issues.

This is pure gold, and no I am not speaking of the gold bedazzles on her sweater cardigan and fanny pack..

If you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation...Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.