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I'm sorry I keep calling and hanging up. I just got this new phone and it is voice activated, so every time I holler dumbass it dials you.


The proof that men can focus on two things at once - Jokes, Memes & Pictures


I'm always disappointed when liar's pants don't actually catch on fire.

Don't mess with the people I love.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Try messing with my kids.

Ohmygosh, hahahaahahahah!!! I can see this soooo being me!!!!!

I can see this soooo being me!

Spray me away lol

Spray the Bitch Away: An aromatherapy spray for when you're irritated, pissed off, or annoyed! Spray generously & breathe in.

So Funny! (but obviously would not be funny if I actually said that lol!!)

I can't believe that cop put me in the backseat when I clearly called shotgun. I think this is funny I think it says something about my sense of humor.

very accurate!

Big Cats - wild-animals Photo Short people problems Kids Are Like Farts . GROSE It's funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look.

Got to get me some get well cards!

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Today's housekeeping tip: Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. That way, if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.