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"When you're underwear matches your bra, you feel good about yourself. When your underwear matches your bra everyday, you should step back and really think about your life.

There maybe two sides of every story.but you're still a douche in both of them.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them. Sounds like my ex f-ing asshole lol

You ask your husband to do the dishes, he suddenly has to poop..Hahahaha!

You ask your husband to do the dishes, he suddenly has to poop. Ask them anything and they suddenly have to poop.

20 COMMANDMENTS FOR SETTING YOUR MAKEUP RATES — GLOSSIBLE

Apr 17 20 COMMANDMENTS FOR SETTING YOUR MAKEUP RATES

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute. So true unfortunately.

Why, yes, I use my Google search bar as spell check. Doesn't everyone?

It's faster than opening Word and typing it in, or opening a dictionary ap. (I don't think I've cracked open a dead-tree dictionary even once in the last couple of years, but I look up words several times a week.

Most definitely!

Free and Funny Friendship Ecard: We can only be friends if you are kind of a bitch. Not a full blown bitch, because that's no fun. And if you're not a bitch at all, that won't work either. A halfway bitch. Those are my kind of people.

No lunch for me. I'm on a new diet called, 'I have Five Dollars till Friday.'

food budget before kids: buy ALL the food! food budget after kids: well maybe I can just buy of the food and exist on crackers

Funny Confession Ecard: Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands. This pretty much sums up my daily life at work.

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Funny Somewhat Topical Ecard: Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from 'this is the best day ever' to 'I want to stab every person on planet Earth.'

It takes about seconds for me to go from 'this is the best day ever' to 'I want to stab every person on planet Earth.' Thats me at work.

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