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funny joke: u say: OMG DID U HEAR?? some actress got accosted in central park!! Yah like... uh blonde? Shes really famous!! I think she was stabbed!! Uh.. Reese something? they say: Witherspoon? u say: No! With a knife probably :)

I love Ellen and her show, and nearly every one of these tweets made me laugh.

THIS WILL BE ME THE ENTIRE TIME I WILL BE HOME FOR READING WEEK. I miss my babies♥

I feel like one day I should have this written on my fridge, or at least printed out and stuck on the fridge because it's pretty true.

Love is sharing your red & pink starburst! Where my middle son does this for me, because he knows the red ones are my favorite, my heart skips a beat and I feel so fulfilled as a mom.

,Oh yeah...so many things I can think of while at the office but once I'm home, bra off...forget it!!

I often walk a fine line between "super fun" mom and "kinda psychotic, maybe we should call the authorities" mom.

Excuse the language, but this just made me laugh. Cuz it's essentially true.

This guy gets me. There's a a point in time when you reach a certain age when you just feel like not having plans sounds 100 times better than going out. For me this feeling hit at age 18. And I have no shame in it.

Why don't we just go on Pinterest? *two hours later* "RIGHT! I'm going to work now!" brain: But how about INSTAGRAM *half an hour later* "OKAY. NO PROCRASTINATING!" brain: BUT HOW ABOUT THAT MANGA YOU'RE READING? OR THOSE FANFICTIONS YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF?! *7 PM at night* GOSHDAMNIT WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING WORK?!

Social skills fail... This happens to me all the time. When someone says, "Hello!" And then i say, "Good! Thank you!"... -facepalm-

I don't know why by Kenda Jones Jones Jones Lacefield this reminded me of you. Not calling you weird or anything lol