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Sometimes I fantasize about a world where I'm in charge, chocolate makes you skinny, and everything is always 75% off.

Im not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

Funny Confession Ecard: I feel fat today. And to make myself feel better, I will eat this cake. Yes. Good plan.

I'm right 98% of the time. The other 3% is when I have to solve math problems.

Of course I want to have my cake and eat it too. What else would I do with a fucking cake?

I loved that episode of SpongeBob. He tries to show his squirrel friend that he can survive sunlight, but he dries out so bad...

Awesome Math Teacher... Could adapt for English. Maybe something to do with grammar?

No lie when I worked for Godiva we used to tell people we'd insalled highly technical calorie zappers in the doors, anything consumed in the store instantly had its calories neutralized and was a zero calorie food.

Yes. Wait what I don't understand is why this is written over a book titled "The Last Days of Pompeii" ...........