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Dug: Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

Wake up. Didn't I say wake up! Getcho ass up! Fine bitch, be late! #Time #Funny #iPhone

this is me almost every night. LOL

Yea I think I should be skinny after eating healthy for one day

They Don't Live by Your Rules

Clearly, the part of me that's cripplingly polite is the 1/4 of me that's British.

World's smallest burger