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'Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.'

31 Jokes You'll Only Understand If You're Probably Going To Be Single Forever

'Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.'

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant."

31 Jokes You'll Only Understand If You're Probably Going To Be Single Forever

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant."

'Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.'

31 Jokes You'll Only Understand If You're Probably Going To Be Single Forever

'Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.'

Sometimes I wonder how you sleep at night, then I remember you are a self centered asshole with no conscience.

Sometimes I wonder how you sleep at night, then I remember you are a self centered asshole with no conscience.

"Keep calm & carry on" sounds great, but nobody does that. Try "Lose your shit, bawl awhile, dry your eyes, fix your makeup & figure it out." | Somewhat Topical Ecard | someecards.com

"Keep calm & carry on" sounds great, but nobody does that. Try "Lose your shit, bawl awhile, dry your eyes, fix your makeup & figure it out." | Somewhat Topical Ecard | someecards.com

I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I know I'm a bitch, and I own that shit like a motherfucker.

I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I know I'm a bitch, and I own that shit like a motherfucker.

It's too bad that having a job which sucks the life out of you doesn't also suck the fat from your ass.

It's too bad that having a job which sucks the life out of you doesn't also suck the fat from your ass.

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