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Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

Congratulations on successfully performing a basic task of life which the rest of the world performs daily and without expectation of praise.

This so accurately describes my life... it's not even funny.

Words cannot describe how mad this makes me lol.

Plight of women everywhere...well almost everywhere

Your ability to weave in and out of traffic at a high rate of speed and end up as the car in front of me at the red light is amazing!

Can you die from constipation? I'm a little concerned with how full of shit you are.

I may seem like this nice, quiet type but I'm only silent because you would find my thoughts highly offensive.

I hate when people make my coffee. You don't know how much milk I like, or how much sugar I take. You don't know my life. You don't know what I've been through.