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People don't want to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad.

Sound familiar? It's no surprise that 98% of dieters fail. So what are the successful 2% doing?

Naw I wont be going out tonight. Im on a new diet called I have 10 dollars till Friday.

Yea I think I should be skinny after eating healthy for one day

I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and pray for a miracle.

My diet can best be described as, 'unchaperoned child at a birthday party.'

Nobody wants to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad.

These are all true.

My Diet Plan: Make all of my friends cupcakes; the fatter they get, the thinner I look...