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I always want only two things: lose weight and eat. | Confession Ecard | someecards.com

Time out is supposed to last for as many minutes as you have years. My time out is 43 minutes. It's glorious.

That awkward moment when you've realized your muffin top has now become a pound cake.

For real!! Kids have so much energy because they suck it out of their parents like midget gasoline thieves

TODAY: 1. Go to pinterest to look up that one recipe. 2. OMG I have to pin everything! 3. Bake nothing.

I do so many things well, none of which generate income.

The last one I am dying

Funny Apology Ecard: Wow uterus. Sorry for not getting you pregnant. No need to throw a temper tantrum.