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... trying hard not to ... but don't understand God why it means my 21 year marriage has to end when I meant the 'to death do us part' so much ... I know the kids are safe and happy now but give me a hint of the reason why this all had to happen ....

That sums it up well. No matter how bad things look or are will you still be there? Stop the child's play and be a real adult if you want to have something real. If you want to be recognized and respected as an adult defend what you want and go for him

I live by this, so when people say "oh you're so lucky" because I have a great husband or amazing friends it's because I wouldn't tolerate anything less! Treat people w/love and respect but expect it in return being a doormat is NOT're welcome