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If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

(Sometimes you gotta get out there and live the dream...)   I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here.

(Sometimes you gotta get out there and live the dream...) I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here.

Asking how my day at work went is like asking how a drive-by shooting went, I'm just lucky I got out alive!

Asking how my day at work went is like asking how a drive-by shooting went, I'm just lucky I got out alive!

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: Unfortunately, my daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.

so funny! I went into a store and seriously asked the girl if they had shorts where my vagina did not hang out :) the lady laughed and said "I totally know what you mean"

so funny! I went into a store and seriously asked the girl if they had shorts where my vagina did not hang out :) the lady laughed and said "I totally know what you mean"

I would love to go out with you, but I have to stay at home and be by myself.introvert all the way!

I would love to go out with you, but I have to stay at home and be by myself.introvert all the way!

Funny Wedding Ecard: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who cant take care of himself.

Funny Wedding Ecard: Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who cant take care of himself.

I've learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress... Just kidding, I'm on my third glass of wine.

I've learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress... Just kidding, I'm on my third glass of wine.

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