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Grilled Artichokes with Parsley and Garlic

"Brunch without booze is just a sad late breakfast" = FACT. Bring on the Mimosas!

the only 2 reasons i listen to voicemails.. 1. if i don't know the number. 2. to get rid of the icon on the screen

I hate voicemails. I don't have a voicemail box for this reason. Either text me or I'll see that you called and call back when I get a chance.

Irrational fear.

"I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day." Oh my gosh. This is so me. I thought I was the only one!

Pessimist: the glass is half empty. Optimist: the glass is half full Me: There is room to add vodka ! Totally me.

I Do Know Crazy

I don't know karate but I do know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. Funny Quotes Of The Week – 35 Pics i know karate AND crazy

You know it's a good day...

"You know it's been a good day, when I didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys" -- Difficult be the life of a witch.Wizard of Oz

it doesn' t matter how old amerifa toddler hands you a toy phone, you brotips. com Brotip 1735 it doesn' t matter how old amerifa toddler hands you a toy phone brotips com

I never buy Girl Scout cookies because I don't carry cash! Now if I find a girl with this I will gain on thin mints

True Stories, The Times, College Life, It's Funny, Funny Quotes, Hilarious, Drink, Funny Things, Funny Stuff

Hilarious chalkboard signs offer bacon, booze and breakfasts consisting of aspirin to lure potential customers off the street

What moms REALLY want for Mother's Day from their kids. i dont drink wine, but this is funny!

She's Crazy. And Just When You Think You've Reached The Bottom Of Her Craziness, There's A Crazy Underground Garage! This is the truth! Some people have no idea!