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I don't know why, but I couldn't stop laughing.

This really isn't that funny but I'm laughing!!! The more I look at it the more I laugh!

I get that dead stare from people and the head shake that seems to ask, "Okay, and?"

Here, Let me wash the stupid right off of you... Ahhh wait, wait... it's not coming off. =)

seriously, act like you are going to remember to read that

No good reason. I just don't want to go. All too often. Introvert problems.

Uhh...you mean to tell me my ab stimulation belt and Netflix isn't giving me rock hard six pack abs?

If it requires pants and/or a bra, it's not happening today.

Everyone needs a smart-assed, sarcastic friend. I'm so happy to be of service to you.

I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I'm the person to do that job.

This is me. I need to name my alarms like this.