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Hell is a place where two cars drive under the speed limit parallel to each other.

You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one.

I wish my Pinterest Exercise board was actually a shopping cart. ... I'd like these legs, this ass, this cake. lol!

it's okay, everyone has these thoughts! AHAHAHA! I have stepped on so many of Andy's lego's and everytime thats when he has to pick them all up or lose them.. He will get this :)

I am soooo OCD about how my groceries are bagged! I put them on the belt just the way I want them bagged...its an illness. LOL

WHY can't PINTEREST be my job? I'm so good at it. @ Heidi McCracken

I don't know if I'm just tired or if this stuff is actually funny because I cannot stop laughing

Proof that everything pinned, isn't for everyone. LOL

You know that feeling of being able to sit down when you're exhausted? Yeah, me either. I'm not a dad. .

haha everyone always asks me how I'm not stressed this is exactly what I'm doing

This is a dead-on-balls accurate summary of my feelings as a kid. Which, when you think about it, explains a lot.