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FACT: In the future, I'll tell my grandkids that I'm older than the internet - and blow their minds forever.

FACT: In the future, I'll tell my grandkids that I'm older than the internet - and blow their minds forever.

Mine is always out of control... My+cleavage+is+out+of+control+again.

Mine is always out of control... My+cleavage+is+out+of+control+again.

My bathing suit told me to go to the gym, but my sweat pants were like 'nah girl, you're good'.

My bathing suit told me to go to the gym, but my sweat pants were like 'nah girl, you're good'.

You don't actually love a person unless you occasionally want to kill them.

You don't actually love a person unless you occasionally want to kill them.

“Mommy, watch this!!!” is the toddler equivalent of “Hold my beer.” It usually means something stupid and dangerous is about to take place.

“Mommy, watch this!!!” is the toddler equivalent of “Hold my beer.” It usually means something stupid and dangerous is about to take place.

Just remember, cramps are better than contractions. | Reminders Ecard | someecards.com

Just remember, cramps are better than contractions. | Reminders Ecard | someecards.com

so funny! I went into a store and seriously asked the girl if they had shorts where my vagina did not hang out :) the lady laughed and said "I totally know what you mean"

so funny! I went into a store and seriously asked the girl if they had shorts where my vagina did not hang out :) the lady laughed and said "I totally know what you mean"

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened and he didn't get you pregnant.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened and he didn't get you pregnant.

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