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hahahahaha, this is definitely me.

Singing to a song you don't really know. But that 15 second part you do know is coming and your gonna own that shit. Story of my life!

I want to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh

My Fitness goal. this year I was like, let's be realistic, and I put my current weight, which I'm now currently 10 lbs under so my license makes me look like a fatty.

E cards

don't let my looks deceive you. i have the mouth of a sailor, the temper of an italian housewife, and the the tolerance of an irish man. LOL truth x 100

Excluding my boss, who goes running during our lunch hour when it's blazing outside, and claims to love it..

ecards - My thought's exactly for today! I want the mild summer weather back!

currently having that moment...so i'd suggest...staying away from me today. (and prob the rest of the week...and weekend)

Listen up, asshole I had two helpings of flaming bitch with my breakfast today. Satan himself won't even f*ck with me. Lol :D

I feel this way about my husbands ex wife and my prior landlord....is that wrong? Lol!

Funny Confession Ecard: I'm not saying I 'hate' you, but I catch myself fantasizing about you being attacked by honey badgers, barefoot in a desert of legobricks, near a Bieber concert.

"Listen bitch, I'm being as polite as I possibly can."

This is definitely how I feel somedays at work! LOL if only I could say it out loud!

So sorry to hear that the Karma cake you baked yourself isn't tasting as good as you expected... Perhaps a nice glass of 'I Fucking told you so' will help wash it down!!

Funny Breakup Ecard: So sorry to hear that the Karma cake you baked yourself isn't tasting as good as you expected. Perhaps a nice glass of 'I Fucking told you so' will help wash it down!

This happens so often.

That moment when you have so much shit to do that you decide to take a nap instead. this definitely.lately happens to me all the time!

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it's health benefits.  The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Funny Confession Ecard: I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it's health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves. How do they know me so well?

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