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*backflips off loft bed, ninja kicks door open, barrel rolls into living room, rips plug out of wall, teleports back to computer, world is at peace*

My daily conversation with myself. The struggle is real, folks.

This is totally my cat when small kids are here.

Whenever I underline something, it's like suddenly there's a mini earthquake that only affects my hand.

True story. Keep meaning to inventory as I unpack, and make a list of what I actually used...

Oh, you want to lose 3 lbs for bikini season? I had to eat raw carrots for lunch just to squeeze back into my fat jeans. WALK AWAY.

Book titles that should never be written for children

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAH

THIS WILL BE ME THE ENTIRE TIME I WILL BE HOME FOR READING WEEK. I miss my babies♥